So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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