My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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