wrigley field is MILF paradise
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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