Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
