just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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