He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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