I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
