i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
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