why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
