Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
