She just used a chaser for red wine.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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