If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
