What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I didn't notice because vodka
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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