And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
MIDGETS
????
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
