We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
