I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
