I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
