I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
