I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
