her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
