I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
