I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
why is half of my head shaved?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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