Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
