dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize