I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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