You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
