Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just pynch a tree in the face
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
