haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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