I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
