Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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