tell your sister to shave her snatch
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize