The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
