She is in my trunk
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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