My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
