right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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