It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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