I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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