Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize