I think I am morally bankrupt
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
