if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize