he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
