I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
