i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
