I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
last night I used snow as a chaser
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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