I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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