It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
