can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize