i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
