Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
