just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
