when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I cockslap morals
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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