Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Princesses don't give blow jobs
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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