i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
