Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
