Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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