im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
