you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
