It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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