So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
