I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
