Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
