garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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