I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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