:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
