i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
