Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
