Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
