u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Randomize
