It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
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