so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
