Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
