i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize