Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
