butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
