Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
