I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
