Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I want to fling myself into the sun
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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