the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
