I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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