my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
...so i touched it.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
