I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
