cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize