Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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